With every wish...

I have always wondered... putting aside our "divine characteristics"... if we have a wish, what would that wish be? Would it be a selfish wish? But really is there anything such as selfish wish anyway?

I have been told that just make a selfish wish for yourself and the rest will follow. It touches me from time to time seeing people begging for money and food on the street. It hurts me from time to time seeing people having no place to live and having no clothes to wear. I am not a rich person. Neither am I making enough money to support myself entirely. And yet, from time to time, I feel the need and the urge to give away some of what I already have. Giving away the things that I don't use or need anymore. We tend to cling to many things in our life. We even cling to things that we don't need anymore or things that don't need us anymore. People cling to the people that don't treat them well. And yet, they cling to others for the need of love and a little bit of romance. People endure the abuses that they get from others in order to feel the pain of life. People keep on buying material matters to satisfy their sense of wealth and rich. People love having babies because otherwise their life won't be complete. We tend to depend on everything around us for the sense of wealth, satisfaction, happiness, sadness, and accomplished.

But really, does any of that matter when we die? The world is still turning when we die. People still shop when we die. People will move on and get married when we die. Things will eventually break and their color will fade with time. The shirt we bought two years ago won't be the same shirt two years later. All these things make me realized... what is so precious is being at the moment. Knowing what is going on at the moment. The past is the past. The future is always an unknown. What can we plan? Can we plan for our sudden death? Can we plan our children's future? Can we plan for anything? Maybe for short term period... but long term is so uncertain.

Seeing that... I realize... if there is any wish for me, I wish I would never have to depend on anything to be happy... not the material things in life, not the relationship that I have, not the family that have raised me, not the people that I work with, not the friends that I have always thought of, not the bed that I love to lie on, not the blanket that keep me warm at night, not the music the soothe my mood, not a cup of tea that keeps me warm in the winter time, not a piece of pastry to satisfy my craving, not a place to call home, not the clothes that make me look successful, not the car that carry miles and miles, and the list goes on. Yeah.... if there is such a wish, that is what I would wish for.

call that selfish... but really...i think that is what I want. Unless I am able to help myself, I feel there isn't much in me to offer to the world...